Radiation anxiety

So treatment has started and I am on a emotional roller coaster.  I am  trying to be positive and happy but all around me  are not positive and happy.  Kirk is really struggling with all this and trying to work on his anxiety at the same time.  He is so quick to get upset and I am still the one in the range of his despair.  His anxiety prevents him from so much and he just needs support that I can not give him.  That of his children.  Alicia has been wonderful.  She does as best she can to help and understand but she also has a heavy load between school, soccer,friends and her health.  Our son  has his life and we are not often part of it.  A friend of mine is going through a very tough round of cancer.  Her family ( for which I am very happy for her) is always rallying around her.  They have been great.  That has been so cool and yet hurtful to watch.  We have lots of extended family  who have all been great.   Anxiety is a killer in many cases, and stopping it can be the difference between quality life and not having any quality to life.  For me anxiety is slower creeping into my life in my body, despite the years I have watched it in Kirk. I truly think it has caused my cancer.  I hope that it will change sometime soon.

Anxiety - the cousin to depression.  I truly don't think you can have one without the other. It has been a  while and lots has happened, but most significantly is anxiety has taken over our life, much more than depression.  Anxiety over illnesses and sickness that does not seem to be fair.  Anxiety over not having any kind of relationship on a routine basis with family.  Anxiety over getting off medication that was probably creating more issues than not.  Anxiety over watching a loved one get sick, almost die and then somehow bounce back four times in one year.  Anxiety over having to place that individual in a nursing home because you can not do it anymore.  Anxiety over wondering every time the phone rings if  she is sick again and on the way to the hospital ......wait my wife has what..... cancer...... major anxiety and withdrawal because the anxiety never goes away and it is eating him up.  Anxiety because why me....why me cancer.....wait you can not hit rock bottom right now.....I need you......so more depression and guess what depression for other family members because they are burned out.
My point is  many of us have anxiety and its cousin depression that is because of day to day issues.  These are different than that of someone who is chemically depressed or full of anxiety.  But the result is similar. So I find myself with cancer and with that I begin to understand the loneliness that sickness can bring.  People say they understand, but they don't.  People fall apart and you are somehow to blame.  People say well at least it has a cure, while mine does not.  Not fair
It has been a long summer and too much has happened.  Through it the one thing that has kept me floating is life and wanted to be there for our daughter.  Our son does not grasp our need to be close. He may or may not some day but with or without him I will beat this and in the end maybe the anxiety and depression that has plagued our family will turn around. The one who suffers from it the most has had to rise to the occasion and help the one who is suffering inside and can't share it because she is still too busy helping everyone else, while doing treatment for herself.