The "K" drug withdrawal

It has been a few months since I posted on here.  It is now time to share.  Since the summer Kirk has been going through drug withdrawal from a drug that hurts too many and yet helps some.  We came to understand that this drug, when taken for long periods, can be very addictive and then very hard to get off of.
"Singer Stevie Nicks has publicized the dangers of Klonopin by describing her own detox from the prescription drug as "hellish" and worse than withdrawing from cocaine or heroin. In fact, Nicks was introduced to Klonopin at the Betty Ford clinic, with the intention of assisting her with new-found sobriety! Recovering addicts and alcoholics have all too often been helped off of one drug addiction by being introduced to a new one, all with the best of intentions, of course." - Benzos: more dangerous than the conditions they treat? Occasional Planet, September 14, 2011.

We tried for over two years to get someone to stand up and say I will help you get off this, and not just say, "when you are on something else", and then throw many drugs at you.  We stumbled upon an old friend who knew Kirk before and then saw how dysfunctional he was.  He started us down the path of removal.  If any of you have gone thru any kind of detox, you can appreciate the ups and downs of this process. You can understand how one feels all alone, when really you are not.  You can understand how one really wants and needs family around, even when they don't want to be.  YOu can understand how it would be so easy to give in to it and not continue on the path.  You can understand how the brain needs to heal, so much time needs to be spent in bed resting, and then now hard it is to get up and get going, because you know you need to.  YOu can understand how others say….you need to do it for yourself, which of course you know, but you would like to hear "and for us so we can spend time together."  You can really understand how negative you can get and how your brain will say the dumbest things, and not mean them.  They call that "purging" and is just part of the process.  It is all a process and every step is hard.  It is very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there.  

For those of you not going through this, please try to understand the person who is.  The littlest thing can be so important - a text, hug, phone call, hug, "how are you", did I say hug……the littlest action can be taken the wrong way and leave the person helpless to get past it.  Emotions are raw during this time and feelings are hyper or hypo all the time.  The person tries to figure it all out and can't concentrate long enough to do it, or they can not shut off their brain to stop thinking about it. The person wants to get back into life. One day can and the next day can not.  They have trouble sleeping, eating, exercising and just talking without being negative.  They can not leave the house; talk to others or do simple pleasures like drive the car, take a bath or make a meal.  They can not see anyones else's perspective at all. Please understand this is not the way they want to be - they just want to feel human again.  Even then it will be hard work, but at least they may be better able to cope.  Please understand that even though it takes away from your day, a few minutes may make the difference in their hanging in there and continuing their quest.  It may help them see that others are worth fighting for and that you do really care.  Please forget the times they have made you mad, disappointed you or ruined your day.  Please be patient and supportive, it may be your turn one day.  If you are family please remember it was not always this way and with support it will change.

I have seen Kirk go from 6 pills to now 3/4's of a pill.  (A major feat yet  some will say, why did it take so long.) He will have to then taper off the Valium they have been using to taper the Klonopin. This is still a long road that he had hoped would be done by Thanksgiving…..it appears it will not.  Holidays are hard for him anyway so this year will be very tough.  Please remember that and try to support him. 

From my perspective  I have seen him cut off from family and friends ( some his doing some not).  I have seen him at his darkest moments, talking about death and crying uncontrollably for hours in the middle of the night.  I have seen his strength and endurance disappear so that he is now weak and could not exercise if he had to.  I have seen his smile and ageless face, age.  I have seen him with a look of despair that i can not fantom, all the while having to endure it quietly so family are not ashamed of him.  It has been a very hard road and the journey is not over yet.  Please consider a prayer, hug, text or phone call to give that support, even if he does not talk to you or says the wrong thing.  He is scared to death that he will offend one of you, and does not mean to. He has no self worth right now and just wants to be needed. He does not see he has contributed to his family, kids or society….all of which is not true.  He feels he is a disappointment and embarrassment to his family and friends.  He does not need your harsh comments or lack of respect. He just wants peace and above all your respect. So today as we honor vets, (which he is one), please honor the war he is in with his own body….he truly is worth it.  I have also suffered through this with working full time; still caring for his mum; supporting a senior in high school and being there when I am home, no matter what time of day.  I too could use the support so I can keep going and be who I need to be…..

Well it has been over a year since I last wrote on this.   Things have not changed much and if I read the last entry I realize that Kirk was suffering just as much last year.  The difference this year is he wants to get off the drug that is creating this mess.  He wants off Klonopin and on to living.  We have either phoned or gone to over 20 places.....the same response is heard.  "It is criminal that people have let you be on the amount of medication, for this long, and with a benzodiazapine."  Everyone agrees he needs off it, but the system is not willing to take that stand with him and get him off.  We have heard too many times it is tough, can kill you and will take a long time. We have also heard.....you need a psychiatrist or you need to do this or take your pick, which med would you like....Right now he is working with a clinic that we thought was going to be the right place.  However the doctor literally yelled at us which did not help at all.  A difference of opinion, yet someone who is supposed to have the compassion to be an addiction specialist.  So now we are back to square one.  Back to daily crying, negative talk, and pure depression. He has though reduce the medication by 1/2 pill.....which is major apparently.   Some days he has no will to get better and some days he does.  Some days he can be functional, but most he can not.  He has trouble sleeping and staying focussed on anything.   I am at my wits end trying to support him . His mother and I are the only two who really understand him and we could use some help.  I want to reach out to our friends and family for support.  Phone calls (541-231-0798), texts to same number, comments on here or just time spent with him would be greatly appreciated.  I am trying to convince him to go into a medical detox but he is scared and wants to know that his family and friends will be there for him when he comes out and will support him doing this.  If he does not I fear he will succumb to this disease and I will feel like we have failed him.